Tucker, thanks for giving the SOFREP audience some time to discuss your latest book. Most people I know have read your first book, “I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell”. I found it incredibly funny, and it reminded me of my first trip to Thailand with the boys when I was at SEAL Team 3. The stories from that deployment would make a whore blush.
Your latest book, “Mate, Become the Man Women Want” I read in two sittings and found not only entertaining, it also resonated with me on a personal level. All guys need to read this book, what a great self evaluation tool and guide to finding a solid gal.
1. What inspired your most recent book “Mate”?
Well I met Geoffrey Miller at an academic conference and he explained that he had to spend hours explaining to his nephews that my old books were not advice books. This shocked me–of course they aren’t advice books, my books are just funny stories about the really stupid, ridiculous things I’ve done. Why would they think they’re advice?
Geoff explained that they’re all 14-20, and my writing was the only frank and honest thing they’ve ever read on sex and dating. There is nothing else that talks about these issues the way I did. In the absence of that, they use what they have, and they took my books as advice.
I didn’t believe him. There had to be something for them to read to learn about sex and dating, but Geoff was right–there was nothing. This was a hole in the market so big, it was hard to see unless you stood far enough back.
We decided to write the book that should exist, the one that every guy should have at 15, but doesn’t.
2. All jokes aside, this is a serious book that will help a lot of men. Can you explain, in brief, the science behind the book?
It all stems from basic biology that everyone learns in school: men and women have evolved over thousands of generations to approach sex and mating in specific ways. In short, we explain how that works in a way that a modern man can understand and apply to his life.
The core idea is that for a man to be successful at mating, he has to be attractive to women, and that attractiveness boils down to one thing: Effectiveness at life. Obviously this is a big idea, and we explain it both at a high level and a granular level.
3. The part in the book about understanding women, and what they want is so true. I can’t believe I was in my mid thirties post divorce before I even considered this (no jokes) but reading it again, more in-depth just made me appreciate what this means even more. Without any spoilers, why in your opinion is this important for guys?
Well think about it from a military perspective: could you EVER imagine fighting an opponent with zero knowledge of them? Or going on a mission with no idea of what is in front of you? Of course not, in fact the majority of military effort is about collecting intelligence to form your plan.
Well guess what–THAT IS PRECISELY HOW MOST MEN APPROACH DATING! With basically zero understanding of women.
The difference is that men and women are NOT in opposition like in a military campaign, but they do have different goals and strategies, so you must understand her to best accomplish your goals.
4. I love the part about life experience. I still can’t believe I run into 40 year old men who live at home with their parents in New York. And they wonder why they can’t meet quality women. Move the fuck out and get some life experience for Christ’s sake. Rant over. Any thoughts on this?
You would not believe how bad most guys are in basic attractiveness areas. I can’t tell you how many guys don’t even think about the fundamentals, like showering, shaving, what they wear, etc. Guys will tell us they can’t get women, so I’ll ask them, “What’s attractive about you?” and they will stare at me like I’m speaking French. They NEVER EVEN CONSIDERED this, that they have to be appealing to women to get women.
5. Go where the women are. If you are giving advice to a guy about the top three cities to live and work in, anywhere in the world, to visit and meet women. Where do they go and why?
Not sure about the world, but in America, I think there are a LOT of great places to be. If you are a young professional, NYC, Washington DC and Atlanta are all heavily female. The ratios there are fantastic. Many other professional cities are like this.
6. I recently read Slow Sex and feel like I’ve been read in on some secret. Do you have any must read stuff for men in general?
We put it all in the book. Almost every page has information that guys can use and benefit from.
7. What’s next on the writing agenda?
For me, I am working on my company pretty much 24/7. MATE was a side project, something I did because I felt like the world desperately needed it. I know I needed it when I was in high school and college.
8. Before we go, most people don’t know you’re a badass entrepreneur, tell us about your latest venture in a few sentences.
It’s called Book In A Box (www.bookinabox.com), and the basic idea is that we’ve created a company that’s turned writing and publishing a book into a service. You can pay us 18k, and spend about 15 hours on the phone talking to us over like two months, and we do the rest, and publish your book of your thoughts and words in your voice. We also have a book that describes our exact process, it’s really innovative and anyone can do it themselves as well (http://www.amazon.com/Book-Box-Method-Quickly-Easily/dp/1619613468/)
I honestly feel that any guy on Tinder or some Russian dating site, armed with Mate is going to be ruthlessly effective. Go buy the book, all my single guy friends are getting copies for the Holidays.
Thanks for your time Tucker. Please share this interview on Facebook, and buy the book here.