Caution: I wrote this because I enjoy the show, and wanted write something funny for Christmas, and pass along some serious advice for the writing team, as if they give a shit… I do make fun of phony Vietnam veterans at the VFW, and if making fun of phony veterans offends you then best to take a pass on this one.
I’ve admittedly jumped head first into the Walking Dead series. It’s entertaining but some things need to be addressed so I can continue to watch the show, and still keep my dignity intact. So to the writers of AMC’s The Walking Dead, pay attention to below, and you may survive the New Year.
My Top Six Things That Bug Me About “The Walking Dead”…
- Head shots from 25M+. Unrealistic unless you’re an experienced firearms owner or professional. If you’re a walking dead cast member you magically have the ability to shoot in high stress situations and make consistent head shots at up to and over 25M away. Sorry people, not realistic.
- Hearing protection. All that gun fire without hearing protection? Your ears would be ringing to the point you can’t hear people talking normally. In the Walking Dead they are apparently un-affected by this. Fix this before cast members lose their hearing (even if it’s make-believe hearing loss). And where’s the damn silencers..it’s an easy fix with a 3D printer or CNC machine.
- Not enough hot babes cast in the show. Come on folks, the world is ending, and people would be humping each other left and right. Add in a few more hot babes, and you’ve got a winner. I’m saying what everyone else is thinking here. As it stands I feel like I’m on a Delta flight to Atlanta with a bunch of grumpy grannies. “What do you call four Walking Dead girls in a hot tub? Gorillas in the mist”….enough said, you know what to do.
- Where’s all the cool general aviation aircraft? I’m a private pilot, and know that aviation in the US is huge. I haven’t seen one damn Cessna or Piper. What gives? What a great way to transport people zombie free, and it’s a great way to spot a herd. Get on this, it’s too easy, don’t make me write to the AMC executives.
- Boats. Where are they? You’re already off the graphic novel reservation so why not? We all know zombies can’t swim for shit. So where’s the offshore flotilla of survivors living on boats? Let’s have it already. You can live off the sea, and use reverse osmosis to turn sea water into fresh. Do I have to come up with all the good ideas here?
- Former military are portrayed as wild-eyed PTSD hot heads. Give us a break people, we have one of the most highly trained, and educated all volunteer military force the world has ever seen. Give the veterans a break, and portray them with dignity. No more cut off desert fatigues, Dixie flag patches, and dressing them in the shit you’d expect to see phony Vietnam veterans wearing at the local VFW. Hint: most of the VFW guys haven’t served, they’re faking it to get cheap drinks. Do us proud, or else…
So there you have it writers of the Walking Dead. I’ve given you something to think about before you have every Navy SEAL in America busting your balls into the New Year. You can all thank me later when you work on the new SOFREP original series coming to a network near you.
Merry Christmas from all of us at SOFREP.com.
Editor of SOFREP, UDT/SEAL Class 215
P.S. Good use of edged weapons at close quarters…
(Main image: Darryl with my weapon of choice courtesy of AMC)